I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
