When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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