Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
