you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Houston, we have a blender
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
