Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
