It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
