just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
