While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
