I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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