I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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