So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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