i permit you to call me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
