you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
