I wish I only lived at night.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hippo gnu deer
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄