I got chris browned last night
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?