it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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