we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it