is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK