i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional