Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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