Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
