I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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