In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
