Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
