I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
