Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
