Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
