saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she smelled like a LAN party
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
