Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
