I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
