You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?