Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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