i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
