I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
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i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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