hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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