She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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