This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
