I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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