my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
