I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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