Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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