My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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