so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
