I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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