why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
