physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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