you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
3pm strippers are depressing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
