put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
