That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
