after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
