Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
