yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
