I cockslap morals
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
