She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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