Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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