I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
