she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
