If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
