I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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