You can't motorboat a personality
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
