my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
