I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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