Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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