dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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