You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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