I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
