I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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