My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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