whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
