see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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