to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
pop tarts are not kleenex
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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