On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
