i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
