I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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