remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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