umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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