The best revenge is premature balding
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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