There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
