Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize