evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
