i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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